August 1, 2017 was tough. So tough I wonder how I made it through that day…and period. It started like any other day. I was pregnant and was past the throes of first trimester with its attendant challenges and ‘fear’ of miscarriage.
I don’t even know why but for some reason, I was fearful all through that pregnancy and so when I went past the first trimester with no signs of blood and issues, I was more relieved even though I was still afraid. Ok. I think I now remember why I was in fear. I was always hearing one story or the other of who lost a pregnancy etc and I let those stories put fear in my heart.
I remember that day was a Tuesday. It was not my ante-natal day but my doctor wasn’t going to be available the next day at my usual call time so I thought to see him that day. I asked for permission at work to leave a few minutes earlier so I could catch up with him.
I got to the hospital and the ante-natal started. Lol. The doctor was scanning my belly and suddenly his face changed. Ahhhh ahh. “Kilode?” I asked. He continued and then he said ‘ I can’t find a heartbeat but hold on’. Immediately my hands felt clammy. What was that supposed to mean? He can’t find a heartbeat? Meant no life naa abi. Infact I don’t want to go over that experience. I just know I did three scans and all said same thing, the baby didn’t have a heartbeat and had been like that for more than a week.
It was God that helped me through that period. I just settled on one thing, God loves me, He cares about me and He has great plans for me. I can trust Him Absolutely. I didn’t have answers. I didn’t even ask God why. There was no need. I trust Him too much. It must have been better for the baby to go. It didn’t make the pain less though, just made me stronger to go through it.
Anyway, the essence of this post isn’t about the lost pregnancy so i’m not going to dwell so much on it. I just needed a reference point so you’d understand where I’m coming from when I start.
Fast forward to some few months later, I discovered I was pregnant. Again. I wasnt sure what to think. In between being worried that it was too early after the last one and wondering how it happened because I was just getting better, I decided to do things differently this time around because, for that lost pregnancy, no medical report could explain why it happened. This time around, I wasn’t giving the devil any chance.
I armed myself with Exodus 23:25-26. Ahh! It was a battle in my mind. The enemy kept taunting me with images and thoughts all through the pregnancy especially because I had previously lost one. At a point, I got upset and then I did something that was epic. I gave my child a covenant name. I needed a reference point, something to remind the devil and me too that God Himself will finish this journey. I needed a correct covenant name and so I went seeking.
Now I’ve always liked yoruba names. At a point when I was single, I thought I would marry a Yoruba guy and my first son’s name was already in Yoruba. Lol. Anyway, somehow, I know that ‘Eni’ means person and Oluwa means God. So I named my unborn child ‘EniOluwa’ means person of God. I was like, Devil, THIS ONE Belongs to GOD! If you have 10 heads come and touch him.
Ahh. It was a battle for me but God did it for me. Every single time I was faced with fear, everytime I went for doctor’s appointment, I kept reminding myself – EniOluwa, THIS ONE Belongs to God so devil can’t touch him. There’s this Igbo song that says what you put in God’s hands is like putting something in the mouth of a lion. The song then asks a question – ‘can you touch that thing in a lion’s mouth?’
My brethren, with that assurance and faith in the Word of God, specially Exodus 23:25-26, I conquered. God and I conquered and at the fullness of time, EniOluwa came forth. Thank You Jesus!! That boy is just a definition of miracle baby. Even his birthing was sooo stressless. Healing- fast. It was amazing. God is Super amazing.
I remember when, I think just towards the end of my first trimester, I read one article on how a lady lost her pregnancy at three months and immediately, I felt the devil coming for the kill, with fear. Ahh. I stood up in the spirit and gave it back to him IMMEDIATELY! No time to waste time. See, when the devil comes like that, deal with him immediately. The devil thrives on sowing evil seeds so you have to uproot those seeds IMMEDIATELY!
Also that period, I read something that Heather Lindsey wrote (God bless that lady for me!!). She talked about how that because something happened to someone else doesn’t mean it will happen to you. That was really uplifting for me in that period. I stood in God’s Word and I was yelling NO! It won’t happen. No! NO MISCARRIAGE! NO! THIS PREGNANCY WILL STAY! You will think I was already seeing blood but I yelled it like that because if that fear took root, it’s just a matter of time, the blood will show except God shows me mercy. It is at that stage you uproot the thought and give the devil a really dirty slap with The Word of God.
Sometimes I had bad dreams. I would always wake up and cancel it. And then I’ll tell God, this is what Your Word says, and I agree with it. See, the way Life is, you are the deciding factor in your life. You are the one who determines what happens to you. The Bible says in the mouth of TWO or THREE witnesses, a MATTER is ESTABLISHED. Right now, at any point in time, there are witnesses. One is good and is speaking life to you, that’s the Word of God. The other is evil and is speaking death in the form of fear etc. That is the devil and his evil nation. Now imagine both of these witnesses like voices, standing near you, each of them trying to get your attention. Infact, most times, the one speaking death is talking with microphone so it’s voice will be so loud, but the one speaking life is speaking calmly, quietly yet so persuasively. At that point in time, the voice/witness you turn to and agree with is the one that will win in your life. It doesn’t matter how loud the voice is, it’s not by shouting. If God says a thing, even if He speaks it in a whisper, as long as you agree with HIM, you will see that Word come to pass in your life. So what the enemy does is to try and distract you with loud noise so you won’t listen to God speak or hear HIM at all. But I have learnt to run into my secret place and worship till the noise goes down and I can hear God’s voice louder. And then I pick up the scriptures and start to recite it to myself and my baby, making clear mentions of our names.
I’m so glad I didn’t yield to fear. I’m so glad I didn’t let the devil win. See this cuteness overload baby I would have missed if I had allowed the devil corner me. God forbid. I really thank God for His mercies. If not for God’s mercies, dunno how it would have all ended.
I know the devil wanted to make sure I don’t have another child because I’ve promised all my children to God to use as anointed weapons to mass-depopulate hell and the devil is scared. Oh! He’s so scared he’s running helter skelter trying to ensure I don’t give birth again. But he lied! Ahhhh. He lied in CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!
We’re here. And loving God. Doing awesome. And looking at the whole journey made me realise what many women go through in the process of child bearing. Ahh. Women! We might not be looked upon as strong but we have our own strength in hidden places, graced by God for what we do and go through. I can imagine how many women that have lost pregnancies, not because they can’t carry any pregnancy but because they maybe lost a previous one and then the subsequent ones were taken out by fear. Or maybe they heard of someone else who lost thiers and they didn’t take care of their heart and that became the door the enemy went through.
For me, I know going through that period and fighting wasn’t easy. Some nights I had to wring it out but I knew I was also being strengthend through the process because whatever didn’t kill me will make me stronger. I already made up my mind that neither my baby nor I would die so the other option left was to get stronger.
Now, my husband told me in the previous year that he’s led to tell me to start a prayer meeting for pregnant women. That was before I lost that baby. I didn’t like the idea cos I was pregnant and was passing through stress plus I was living. No scratch that. I was swimming in fear. And then after loosing the baby, that was my ‘confirmation’ that I couldn’t do it. I didn’t doubt my husband, he doesn’t say what he isn’t sure of. I just was not sure it was the season at all, what with the challenges I was going through. But late last year December, The Lord brought it back to me. And then like Moses I brought up my ‘strong’ reasons why I wasnt qualified, chief of which is that I’ve lost a baby so my child-bearing testimonues isn’t flawless. I have a dent you know..I told God. Lol.
God now told me that that’s a major one because I’ll be coming from two angles- I know what it means to be told you can’t have a baby and then have it( yes I had that kinda medical report at the start) plus I know what it means to lose a pregnancy, face another one and feel threatened and afraid; but go through it and come out successful. At that point, I dropped my excuses.
See. I have two boys and I can tell you pregnancy on its own isn’t too easy. But anything done with God is ALWAYS Better! During that period, I was blessed to have my husband and some of my friends standing with me in prayer especially Eziaha (God bless that Lady in mega doses of blessing) and I know the blessedness of having a believing person stand by you through the seeming tough times. Sometimes you have the strength to pray but no direction. Sometimes you have direction but no strength. And other times, you have neither strength nor direction. Lol.
I just want to let you know I’ll be here praying for you. Now, this is for my preggo maamas and it isn’t just about the pregnancy journey alone, it’s also about the children you’re birthing because I’m totally nuts about birthing Holy-Ghost filled babies and intentionally positioning them for kingdom agenda in this time. So I would stand in prayer and faith with you praying and trusting that God’s counsel over your life would prevail.
If you will, we can take this further. Let’s hook up every Sunday on Instagram and pray for about 30 minutes on all things pregnancy and motherhood. Let’s join our faith and hearts together and intercede for ourselves and our sisters all over the world. It might sound like it’s too serious but in this time and age when the devil is trying to play a fast one on our spiritual intelligence, numbing us to his venom while slowly trying to inject it into our system, we have to arise and yell a loud NO! Somethings are no longer acceptable but you and I are the deciding factor for that. Remember Matt18:18 – Heaven will allow what you allow and will bind what you bind. The ball…baby…is in your court.
The first and second prayer sessions
we had is already up on YouTube. You can access it on the YouTube page of The Live-Awake Initiative. And you can join us on Instagram here – www.instagram.com/praying.pregnantmoms
Looking forward to meeting you
A huge God bless you!!
Have an awesome Fruitful God-Defined week.